My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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