Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
