My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
