dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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