Where did you get a picture of my penis
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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