I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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