I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
