i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
