I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
