Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
