forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
