Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
