Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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