Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize