i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
