I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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