I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize