Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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