my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My balls are so social today.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
