That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
two words...techno handjob
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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