I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
