did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
