i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
