Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The air taste purple.
Randomize
