remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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