i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
