I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
