Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
