Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
