no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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