Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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