To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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