You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
