Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
