I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize