there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
