I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
