so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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