i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
