i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize