what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
