Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
