smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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