Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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