I smell stomach acid.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
