I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
