I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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