i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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