I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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