Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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