I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
you never un-have a 4some
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
