The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
