If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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