I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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