woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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