areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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