R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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