I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
