I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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