How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
