I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
